The Contentious Woman By Regina Moore

Proverbs 25:-24

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etter to live on a corner of the roof, than share a house with a ‘’contentious woman’’.  NIV says ‘’quarrelsome woman’’, HCSB says ‘’nagging wife’’, Amplified says ‘’with a disagreeing, and scolding woman’’.

This scripture is like a slap in the face to women whether you are contentious or not. It’s so strong but let’s dig into it as to why women become contentious.

Some years ago I was watching a movie. There was a nice guy who tried hard to please his family by providing all they need, which every good husband wants to do. This man was never at home for family time. He wasn’t with his kids, didn’t know what was happening in their world. Neither did he have time for his wife to build communication, understanding her needs, and have quality time together. He gave them all the money they need for home comfort. He was a working man.

The wife not knowing how to express her dismay over this absent husband, she acted out in various negative ways. Didn’t take his leading, and when he made decisions, she always complained that funds were not enough. She was never satisfied with whatever good he did. She grumbled unnecessarily over nothing or minor issues. Every small problem was magnified and every unnecessary issue became necessary. She became unpleasant and touchy. She contended with his every decision and tried to override him on every side. The home was becoming a hot zone for the man to stay in peace.

Proverbs 25-24 says ‘’it is better to dwell in the corner of a house top than in a house shared with a contentious woman’’.
The dictionary meaning of contentious is quarrelsome, argumentative, belligerent, controversial... These are the attitudes that surface when a woman becomes contentious.

 No woman was born to be contentious; neither did our  loving parents raise us up and channel our attitudes  to the  contentious route; neither will a woman wake up one morning and suddenly become contentious. There are underlying factors, deep seated grudges, hurts or unresolved issues that has groomed contention in the heart of a woman.

The lady in the above movie displayed her contentious emotions because her husband was not there for her. Even though he gave her all the luxuries, he forgot that she was not married to the TV and Music set but to him.

His status of being the bread winner and not wanting to hurt him by complaining about his constant absence, she became afraid of losing him altogether by letting him know that his absence at home is seriously affecting her. She could have used wisdom to look for an appropriate time to communicate her feelings instead of acting contentious. The man did not understand what is happening to her. In his opinion he did not do any harm and felt he provided well for his family. He could not understand why she was not happy. It is best for a woman to communicate her feelings in love before switching to the contentious mode.

Another reason why a woman can become contentious is abuse. If she has been abused physically or sexually and has not gone for prayerful counselling, to help clear this off her mind, she can be living with this fear that everyman is an abuser. Even a little misunderstanding can occur with the nicest guys, she can change gears into the contentious mode and start acting out negatively. This can be easily sorted if the two communicate well.  It’s best to get necessary help when needed. There is nothing to be shy about, many women suffer similar issues.  Avoid carrying an abusive mind set into your home. Your husband not knowing the root cause of the contention will suffer the repercussions. Go and get prayerful counselling from the right people anointed and trained to handle this.

If a girl child grows up under over strict parenting and too strong a hand of upbringing,  she will never been allowed to be herself.  Her parents try to shape her into their own mold.  She was never free to be who God has called her to be. When this child grows up into adulthood and the fresh air of freedom blows her, she wants to take the opportunity to be. Anyone or anything that wants to stand against her freedom, she will contend with. She will bring the whole world down to have her way. She is tired of being tied. As parents, when training, we should have allowance for the kids to be. The balance is that what they want to do should not negate scripture or is not immoral. Give room for natural good traits to form in them. Not always forcing unbearable principles on them or they will grow up contending.

Another reason a woman can be contentious is when she is not sexually fulfilled. Sexual dissatisfaction is a serious root cause of contentions to kick in. Most times the woman want to please her husband as they most times take the first move in sexual advances. Not every man has learned how to woo and groove their wives. They do the direct flight the plane takes off without taxing. The woman really needs taxing before she can change gear into the take off flight mode. Most wives are sexually disappointed almost every time. Never reaching orgasm is so frustrating, or when there is a cut off point before climax. If this is the daily routine in the sexual life of the marriage, the woman who doesn’t know how to communicate her sexual needs can switch lanes and start driving in the contentious lane acting out indecently and negatively.

If the above issues are not properly dealt with prayerfully with counselling; a very nice home that God wants to build and use as an example to others can be wrecked.  The enemy can come in and have field day. We must watch and sort every deep seated issue, every communication line should be clear. Contentions will have no room to groom in your hearts. Our God is specialized to deal with all sorts. This is the telephone line;

Jeremiah 33-3 . Call and He will answer you. There are no missed calls in God.

Please consider doing the following:

• Sweep the house – This is a process of prayerfully searching your heart to see the very root of contention in your life, Psalm 139:23-24

‘’Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts. And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting’’

• Declare that you forgive everyone that has hurt you and left you the way you are, this could be your husband but could also be anyone else.

• Ask the Lord for forgiveness as it says in the above scripture

• Then pray and begin to declare your victory over this

• Finally discuss the areas of contention in your life with the other person not with accusing finger but with a heart to say ‘please help me, let’s talk this over.
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