The Experience of Motherhood - By Min. Prudence Conteh - WPH Treasurer

Childbirth is a life event which brings  existential questions to the fore – What is the meaning of life? Who am

 I ? What is my identity? It reaches to the heart of the human condition. The life experience of becoming a mother is one which although etched deep in the minds of mothers, can be told and retold a number of ways, and can become reinterpreted over time.

Motherhood itself is imbued with myth - the myth of ‘the good mother’, ‘the wicked stepmother’, the myth of ‘instant bonding’, of ‘the fulfillment of life’.Women grapple with their own fantasies and expectations about motherhood, and can feel both supported and oppressed by their own and societies' motherhood myths. Other cultures have rituals involving social recognition of women after childbirth.

   


• The transition to motherhood requires psychological adjustment.
• This transition is hindered by the media’s idealistic portrayal of the process of becoming a mother.
• Western capitalist society values women as earners and taxpayers rather than as mothers.
• Women are left to work through the conflict of ideas (mother versus wage-earner) on their own.
• In Western society, motherhood is isolating and conflict can lead to women experiencing poor mental health.

What factors can make the task of mothering more difficult or less difficult ?

There comes a point when you can’t give anymore. If you are at that point, you may be suffering from mothering burnout. Burnout can be defined as a loss of enthusiasm, energy, idealism, perspective, and purpose. It is a state of total exhaustion - physical, mental, and spiritual brought on by unrelenting stress. To admit that you are burnt out doesn’t mean you’ve failed. On the contrary, it’s often the mothers who care the most who are the most prone to burno(Burnt out mum find some help http://www.netmums.com/, burnt-out-mom.blogspot.com )  

• Unrealistic Expectations

Mothers often have ideas about motherhood that are not based in reality. Unrealistic expectations often take the form of “should” statements, and involve internalized beliefs about what mothers should be and do. Often, these beliefs are unrealistic and even harmful. Here are some examples. 

“Mothers should anticipate all her family’s needs.”

“Mothers should be able to take care of everything.”      

“Mothers who take time off are lazy.”

“Mothers should never get angry.”

 

 

• Perfectionism

A subtype of unrealistic expectations is perfectionism. If you feel that you have to do all things well, or that your best is never good enough, you are in danger of becoming burnt out. I find that mothers who are survivors of childhood abuse are especially prone to perfectionism, particularly in regard to parenting. They try so hard to be good mothers that they feel they can’t make any mistakes; that even their thoughts must always be loving and nurturing.

How should men treat women?
The answer is found in the 5th commandment, "Honor your father and your mother" (Exodus 20: v.12). Even as a man holds his mother in the highest esteem and regards her with the utmost respect, so should all women be treated (Mark 7:10; 10:19). Women are no longer to be used, abused, and discarded but must be accorded all of the dignity and honor that befits daughters of the most high God.

• Cultural Messages

Unrealistic expectations also come via the media. Women are bombarded daily with hundreds of messages. To sell products, advertisers try to make women feel bad about themselves as women and mothers. These messages are so pervasive that even when there is abundant evidence to the contrary, women believe the lies. Think about it. How many women do you know who have the flawless bodies you see in advertisements? How many families do you know who live in perfectly clean, impeccably decorated homes? Are they the majority?

 

What You Can Do - To counter unrealistic expectations, you need to become aware of them. Next time you are feeling bad about yourself or your life, write down what you are thinking. Now examine it and ask yourself whether it is true. Talking with other mothers is also helpful. You’ll begin to see that you are not the only one.

 

Unrealistic expectations

Unrealistic expectations are only part of the problem. Another part is that the job of mothering itself if you try to do all that our culture implies necessary is truly impossible. Sometimes mothers burn out simply because they are physically exhausted. Remember the old expression: “A man works from sun to sun, but a woman’s work is never done.” The futility of trying to do work that is “never done” puts mothers at risk.

Let me show you what I mean by listing all the activities implied in the role of mother. The activities I list are above and beyond the big responsibilities such as child care and employment.  In Titus 23-5 the older women are admonished to teach the younger women? The older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they admonish the young women.

Older women should teach younger women the skills and disciplines needed to have a successful home and marriage. Experienced wives and mothers will find their greatest avenue of ministry in teaching younger wives what they need to know to be effective wives, mothers, and homemakers.

Many parents were never suited or well prepared for their roles.  Similarly, many parents become that by accident, perhaps through lack of proper attention to contraception, or through social imperatives duty, obligation, responsibility - the social force that binds you to the courses of action older family members who lobby hard for grandchildren, for example.  Some parents had tough childhoods and never had the chance to witness good parenting as children, yet they often find themselves responsible for a family with children and perhaps a spouse, and even elderly parents that need their care.  In a society with little focus on or cultural knowledge around good parenting, they will be severely challenged to run a family effectively or avoid the mistakes that were perpetrated on them as children.



Min Prudence Conteh



 The bible teaches about the role of each family member? It provides guidelines for each family member; describing the role that God wants each one to play. When family members fulfill their roles in harmony with God’s counsel, the result are very satisfying. God created the first humans, Adam and Eve and brought them together. (Matthew 19:4, 5) Jesus showed that what Genesis says is true; although we face many problems and life is not as God purposed it to be, let us see why happiness within the family is a necessity.

Watch out next time ! ' The dysfunctional family' keep reading Women's Power Hour mails. If this article has blessed you please leave a comment, God bless you.